Sexual Openness Requires Open-Mindedness

Sometimes it truly amazes me at the sheer archaic attitude of the world.  Now, I am not the most worldly person on the planet.  I am not the smartest, or funniest, or hottest.  However, I will say that I am the "oddest."  I know that I have a belief system that is about as unique as they come.  I have different beliefs depending on the situation.  I will change my beliefs to fit the situation as well.  I am open-minded enough to understand that every experience in life is able to be translated differently depending on the facts of that situation.  I believe that too many people in our world allow there initial opinion or experience with any topic to be the be all end all of the entire situation.

Somehow there seems to be this movement where people believe that Trans people are whores because many of us are in relationships, yet post pictures of our naked or scantily clad bodies on social media websites such as Facebook, Fetlife, Skype, etc.  Let me ask you this.  How in the hell does posting pictures, or sharing photos (nudity or not) an act of betrayal towards someone in the relationship?  To further explain what I mean I will have to use an experience from my past. (names omitted)

I have been accused by almost every partner of being unfaithful because of sex related issues.  Flirting, naked pictures, and anything sexual in nature is cheating I am told.  I understand the concept of emotional cheating.  This would require, just like any other relationship, time, effort, and a desire or intent to have an intimate relationship.  However, I have to take a stance of opposition to the concept that posting a naked picture in order to share the beauty of my human body with whomever I want really amount to nothing more than participating in free pornography.  I have recently began taking "selfies" and provocative pictures of myself in an effort to boost my confidence in my body.  Being a transfemale, this is a crucial aspect of my transition.  I am a pre-operative transgender female and I am obviously NOT comfortable with my body.  However, I have found that sharing my body via the internet has been very empowering and has boosted my confidence to heights that I have never experienced before.  I still have issues and I probably always will until that faithful day that I am able to wake up after surgery.  That should not prevent me from doing whatever it takes to keep myself out of the bathroom with a razor blade attempting to do self surgery.  We all have different ways of coping with our emotions and bodies, both cisgender and transgender alike.  I do have to say that there is nothing to be ashamed of in the human body, however, most people have some element of insecurity when it comes time to take their clothes off.  Why this is, who knows.  It is different for every person.

However, I am coming to the rescue and taking a stance behind anyone who has every posted or shared with a friend a naked picture in an effort to boost self confidence.  I am standing with all the sex workers of the world and say you are no different than any other small business owner in the United States.  Many people say that these types of people are whores and they have no self respect.  Maybe they are right in some cases.  However, that type of gross stereotype is the same belief system that is keeping the world at war.  Its a reason that the suicide rate in the Trans community is at 41%.  Its why so many people, trans and Cis alike, are killed, assaulted, and raped every year.  I believe that there will never be true peace in our country until these types of stereotypes are abolished.

So now we really get down to me getting on my soap box.  I am so completely sick and tired of the stereotypes in the world.  I am tired of those individuals who claim that their personal problems are so significant that it forces them to neglect and abuse those around them.  How is "I am dealing with so many emotional problems that I can't be intimate with you because it would be to emotional," an excuse.  This is the most asinine thing I have every heard.  I understand the boundaries of a monogamous relationship, however, I also understand that if one partner is neglecting the physical needs and desires of the other for any reason, finding out that the other partner has turned into an exhibitionist and wants to show off their naked body to others shouldn't be a surprise or unexpected.  There should also not be any problems with it.  Flirting isn't cheating.  Being a sexual exhibitionist doesn't make someone a whore or unfaithful.  It means that those of us who enjoy the attention that this "potentially immoral" behavior creates, want that type of attention from the person we are attracted to the most, i.e. their partner.  However, if this attention is neglected then obviously there has to be another venue for the attention sought.  Everyone has their own venue.  I like people to want me with the understanding that they are never gonna get into my pants but they are still willing to give me the attention or the compliments rather, that I am refused in other aspects of my life.

Ok, enough of the soap box.  In the real world, cheating requires two consenting adults, where one ore both are being unfaithful to a partner via emotional intent, sexual relations, or sexual activity.  This can and does include cyber sex.  However, sending a naked picture to a friend or innocently flirting with the hot guy/girl at the coffee shop isn't considered cheating.  Being friendly, being a tease, leading people on, playing games with people's heads, and maybe even attempting to create a little jealousy in order to get some attention from a partner it may or may not be.  However, its not cheating until the act and the intent is there at the same time.  I guess the way I will end this is with this thought from grade school; "I want attention.  I am not getting any positive attention or the attention I want.  Well, negative attention is better than no attention.  At least they are focused on me."  Self centered, I know I know.  So what?  Sometimes, those of us in the world need to be a little selfish in order to make sure we are ok on the inside.  If we are not  ok with ourselves on the inside and outside, then we can't be ok for anyone else.  If we are emotionally in bad repair, then we can't repair anyone else.

The Current Fight

I know I am not very good at keeping up with posting in this.  College classes have a tendency to keep me busy.  I haven't really had much to write about cause I have been spending a lot of time working on myself.  I am writing now cause I can feel my mind getting to that point of swell that would make me have an aneurysm.  I have finally gotten my hormones in order after an insane bought with incredibly high levels of estrogen.  My mind seems to be leveling out.  However, I am in a situation and place in my life that requires attention. 

I have suffered from major panic attacks due to high anxiety and being clinically depressed.  I am having them daily, but most seem to be manageable.  There have been many instances where I have not been able to contain myself and have needed assistance.  This appears to be a common trend, not just among many individuals world wide, but in the Transgender community as well.  I have only one piece of advice for anyone who suffers from these episodes.  Always make sure to have anything that you know will help calm your mind readily available.  I have found that music and art are excellent forms of calming energy.  Once I am calm, I find keeping a journal is very effective in mapping my triggers and other causes of panic.  I have spent much of my time handling my depression and panic episodes via razor blades and self mutilation.  I have to fight the urge to pull the thin metal through my legs skin every time I get down.  However, I have been able to myself from acting on those impulses.

I have always been very effective at keeping my emotions in check and never had an issues covering up how I really felt.  The last year of my transition has been very good and very bad.  I almost succeeded in committing suicide, I have major scars from self harm, and I have shed millions of tears.  The influx/out-flux of hormones, the biological changes, the mental/emotional changes, and every single instance of "that time of the month" have hit me like a ton of proverbial bricks.  I have had to reach into the depths of my spiritual beliefs in order to draw the strength I require to keep moving forward.  Every spell I cast draws me farther down a road of spiritual development that makes me more in touch with the female/temptress/witch that I am.  It does help me.  In essence, I have finally found the beginnings of the true woman that has been hiding in my heart.  I am submissive, respectfully bratty, I require care, nuturing, and love.  I need to feel like a woman and to continue to find myself.  The male in me died.  The last remaining aspects of maleness I have are strictly physical. 

Now we can talk about what this journey has done for my dysphoric self image.  It really has done wonders.  I don't even see the "old" me when looking in the mirror.  I see a strong, confident, and extremely sexy woman, albeit troubled and dark on the inside.  I have days when just taking off my clothes and taking a shower proves to be a daunting task.  I think anyone who goes through this change goes through similar experiences.  How have I dealt with it?  Lots and lots of tears.  What is the best way to deal with it?  If someone knows the answer to that question, please let me know.  This will not keep me from fighting the good fight.  I want this more than anything else in the world.  I would sacrifice everything short of the change and my family to be able to have this "physical" change be done and over with. 

Here we are again, the ramblings of a transgender woman.  I suppose these help more than lots of other options.  I hope you all enjoy.  Don't forget, you can follow my blogs and comment.  I have a stat tracker that lets me know tons of info about how many people check out this blog.  It has gotten good reviews thus far and I have had well over 100 views and a few followers since I started this in December 2014.  Thank you everyone for taking the time to read and listen.  Peace, love, unity, respect.

Transgender Relationships

I am epically sorry for it taking me so long to gather up the time to create another blog.  I have been sick and life has kind of gotten away from me.  I hope to spend more time in this blog because apparently there are some of you who actually follow what I have to say.  I don't mind that you that do follow don't comment, I just love the fact that what I have to say gets out to the masses.  I hope that you all will enjoy this installment of Jame's Life Transcendence.

I have had so much time to think about what to write about that it has been hard to come up with a topic to write about.  Many times I think I should just have random wandering thoughts.  However, I know myself well enough that I understand that I really don't write in that format.  If I did, nobody would understand anything I have to say.  I prefer to stick some semblance of order.  I have decided that this installment will be in regards to Transgender Relationships.  I am talking more about intimate relationships, not friendships.  Intimate relationships are a far different creature.  They are complex by nature, even for our cis-gender counterparts.  The real difficulty, and I know from personal experience, is when a cis-gender and a transgender decide to be in a relationship.  There are not always issues, problems, or difficulties that are anything more than what the "average" couple would experience in a relationship.  What then am I talking about?  I am talking about what it takes for both sides of a relationship when your significant other comes out as transgender and wants to transition.  How does the partner deal with their issues?  How does the partner coming out deal with their issues?  How can they work together to make the relationship work?  When do they call it quits?  How do they know if it will last?  These are only a few of the questions that any trans/cis-gender couple will face.  This is only the beginning of the rabbit hole.  Every couple, every situation, every person will deal with their personal experience in their own personal way.  I only wish to use my own experience as a guide, a starting point.  Some of what I have done has worked and others have not.  Surely most of you who do follow my Facebook will know that I have had major difficulties in my relationship as of late.  However, I have decided on this topic in order to attempt to make some sense of the things that confuse me and to help others who I have seen have the same problems.  I hope someone will find insight in my words.

So what are some of the problems in an intimate relationship regardless of gender identity or orientation?  What are some of the issues all couples face?  The majority of you will probably agree with me that communication, finances, children, bedroom activities (or the lack thereof), infidelity, and whole laundry list of issues can come to light in any and all relationships.  No relationship is safe from being susceptible to these relationship issues.  Even the relationship that has a newly out transgender individual or the experienced transgender person can fall victim to these problems.  However, if anyone, cis-gender or not, gets involved in a relationship, there are other complexities that can and will inevitably effect the relationship.

Dating someone who is transgender can be a difficult challenge for any individual.  There is so much to learn about what it takes to achieve success in transition.  Many persons involved with the transgender can feel hopeless and frustrated by the fact that they cannot identify with what their partner is going through mentally and emotionally, as well as physically.  Being sensitive to the constant ebb and flow of emotions that a transgender person deals with daily, if not hourly, can make anyone feel insane and hopeless.  Gender Dysphoria, mood swings, and depression are some of the more serious issues that both people have to deal with.  Personally, the mood swings and depression are dealt with more on a personal level than with my partner.  I journal, talk to my therapist and friends, and research how other transgender people deal with these issues.  These are all good avenues, however, they may not work for everyone.  Both partners must be patient and be willing to open their minds and hearts to explore areas of their minds, hearts, and souls that neither person may have been in touch with.  Sensitivity and love, massive amounts of both, are the keys to success.  Dealing with the Dysphoria is always a touchy subject.  Every transgender person has their own way of dealing with it and their own level that it exists in their mind.  Each one also has aspects of who they are physically, mentally and emotionally that contributes to the negative feelings they have towards themselves.

The issues for the other member of the relationship, especially for the cis-gender person, can be a daunting task.  The fear of losing the person they love, not understanding the how's and why's of the situation, feeling that they are less adequate, and feeling completely hopeless in being able to understand what their partner is going through and their own inability to assist them with their own problems are all issues that any person can and will probably face at some point in the relationship.  Yet another issue that is common is the other member of the relationship feeling that they have lost a connection or closeness with the transgender person.  This element, however, is unique to the relationship where the couple has remained together after one partner has come out as transgender.    How does the partner, cis or not, face these issues? I think the most important aspect of any relationship, especially one with a transgender person, is finding a way to have overly open lines of communication with their partner.  Transgender people can be very sensitive and may not always understand what they are going through.  This makes it very difficult for the transgender person to be the focal point of explanation.  The partner must be sensitive to the cues of their partner and be willing to explore and research what their person is going through on their own.  Having a support system or a group of people who are going through a similar situation is always a huge help as well.  Each individual must take cues from their partner and find ways to identify and understand what their partner is going through.  However, all the responsibility is not on the partner.  It is also firmly on the shoulders of the transgender person.  The transgender person must be sensitive to the emotions and feelings that their partner may experience.  Talking and working together can be a very effective tool.  Spending time researching transition together, growing their relationship together, just as any couple would do, is essential.  The transgender must understand that their partner is confused, scared, intimidated, uneasy, and has difficulty understanding something that may be outside their personal experience.

So what is the key to making this type of relationship work?  I really don't think there is some almighty fix or cure all.  I feel that every relationship is unique and must be handled with sensitivity and care.  Each couple must find ways that work for them individually and as a couple in order to be successful in dealing with the intricacies of a complex relationship such as this.  These have been my own thoughts and are by no means to be viewed as relationship advice.  However, it is my sincere hope that anyone who reads this will be able to pick out something that can help them.  The only advice I can and will give is to know yourself.  Be aware of how you feel, how your partner feels, and always attempt to grow yourself and your partner on a personal level.  Until next time.  Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. 

How Music Can Heal...or Harm.

These days seem to be a whirlwind.  I have had little time to post due to the busy holiday.  I have always attempted to keep myself busy in order to deal with the onslaught of emotions and feelings that have enveloped my life.  I have never been very good with these parts of my thoughts.  However, I have had to learn to deal with them none the less.  I swear I have tried everything to get a good grip on the waves of highs and lows I feel on an almost daily basis.  Only one thing has ever been able to bring me joy.  It has brought me to some of my lowest points of depression too.  This "thing" of which I speak, is music. 

I am an industrial metal fan myself.  I do enjoy many other forms of music though.  I have interests from pop culture to country, piano music to oldies.  I have always been able to find the deeper meaning in the music I listen to.  Many say I am eclectic, some say diverse.  I say, just me.  I have mood music.  I have music that influences my mood, and music that my mood influences.  My choice in listening from day to day varies.  The only constant I am able to find in all the madness of the music industry is that lyrics mean so much to those who listen to them.  There is so much horrible music out there that doesn't tell a story.  Well, in my opinion it doesn't.  I believe, that music in its truest form, speaks of the heart of the songwriter as much as it does of the performer of the music.  However, reaching the listener on a level that will create an almost intimate experience can be a challenge to even the most experienced songwriter/artist.  I have found these emotional experiences throughout every genre of music.  I am always on the lookout for music that will speak to my soul.  Happy music, sad music, real music, soul music, heart music.  You know, the stuff that makes your heart hurt, or laugh, or cry, or love. 

You are all probably wondering why I am writing about music when lately I have been talking about stuff like Trans* issues and personal experience.  Well, I feel this is important.  Everyone needs a coping mechanism.  I have found mine in music.  I am sharing this in the hopes that maybe someone who reads it will find some peace via the airwaves that are rampant with the melodies of the world.  My ex and I always found peace in our hectic relationship through music.  We did not like the same kinds, but we could always come together and share our love of music in general in order to grow closer and have a few moments of intimacy in the middle of the insanity that was our relationship.  I may have difficulty finding the happy moments in our tumultuous relationship, but the one thing that will always remain the same is the fact that music was a happy part of our relationship.  Not only did it, and does it continue to, help me cope with my dysphoric moments, but it helped me connect with a loved one.  In those times when you feel hopeless, look to your favorite tunes, melodies, chants, and other forms of music and lets the healing begin.

Emotions Aplenty

So here I am again.  I have spent so many hours as of late just thinking about the future and what it will bring.  Mind you I am a very spiritual person and have been practicing Wicca for 14 years so my belief system is one of faith, hope and renewal.  It is very hard to see the forest through the trees when there are so many trees to see through.  I feel I have come to a turning point in my life that has a simple choice to make.  I have a fork in the road.  All I have to do is choose a direction.  However, I usually have some form of an indication of the path I am supposed to take.  This time there are no road signs, no lights, no nothing.  I stand looking at two paths that are seemingly identical if it were not for the simple distinguishing fact that they obviously go in different directions.  However, they could merge into one at some point in the future.  How can I know the outcome or where the path will lead me?  I never can, I can only glimpse into the future.  Which road will take me to what I have seen I have no idea.  I can only hope that I make the right decision.  I don't know if I can do that.  Fear rules so many parts of my life.  I give so many people hope but cannot seem to find wisdom in my own words for my own life.  I sit here and write to anyone who reads, in the hopes that it will help me make sense of the insanity I see in the world around me.  I cry like I have never cried before and nothing gets solved.  I learned that I cannot be good for anyone else if I am not OK with myself first.  I was OK with myself at one point in my life.  Now, I second guess myself and question everything I have done.

I suppose now it is time to shift gears and get to the nuts and bolts of what I am talking about.  The major point I am getting at is how one deal's with losing someone that you love.  It has been said that if you love someone that you love them enough to let them go.  As cliche as that sounds I do find it to hold very true.  I have lost someone who was my whole world.  We had a very difficult relationship riddled with some of the hardest experiences any couple would have to go through.  What relationship doesn't have issues.  However, dealing with those problems is what really defines that relationship and makes the both of you better people for yourselves, each other, children (if there are any), and both people's friends.  My ex and I overcame amazing things in our 6 years together and reflecting on the past makes me smile.  Strangely, those smiles are not always smiles of joy.  It was very difficult.  The burning question I have is "how does one move on with their life when such a large piece of their heart is no longer there?"  I say to you, whoever you are, if you have an answer to this question outside of what the "norm" would be, something that is a guarantee, please share and then patent it.  You will be a millionaire.

This time of the year is difficult for all of us who don't have a family to spend it with.  It is a horrible time of the year to be enduring any type of emotional distress.  I speak from personal experience here and what I live through every day.  I have found comfort in just not allowing myself to be alone for too many hours of the day.  I do not advocate for going to bars and being irresponsible, however, at this emotional time of year, community is something that makes all the bad thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions at bay.  Even if it is only for a few hours.  Find people, be with them, find something to be joyful about even if you are in the pits of despair.  Doing so may mean the difference between life and death or night and day. 

In closing I suppose these are parts of life that we all face and how we deal with them is our own.  We all face tribulations throughout our journey in this vessel that make or break us.  Many times we have that "sink or swim" experience that seems like their is no way we can survive.  How can one survive if they don't know how to swim?  I suppose the best way for me is to not panic.  Emotions come and go like the wind and dealing with them is never easy.  However, a strong person once told me that emotions are what we are made of and ignoring them makes us cold and bitter to the world around us.  I have ignored mine for so long that now dealing with them and just feeling them seems taboo.  I may not be able to see the correct path in front of my.  I may not be willing to take the risk of just choosing one and seeing where it goes.  I do know this.  I will die someday, it may be tomorrow.  It may be 50 years from now.  Until that day comes, as difficult as it may be, I have to keep fighting.  I have to find positive ways to deal with the onslaught of depression and emotions that drive me to physically hurt myself and mentally/emotionally hurt those around me.  How do I stop my pain from creating pain in the lives of others?  That is a question I do not know the answer too.  When I figure that out, all of you will be the first to know.  I love all of my readers and followers and hope and wish you all the best.  Until next time. Peace, Love, Unity, Respect.

The Tribulations of a Transwoman

It has been a few days since my last blog.  Goddess give me the strength to get through this post.  I find myself in a very dark place in my life.  I have experienced and episode of discrimination that I never thought possible from a person in a "Professional" capacity.  I has an experience with Missoula City Police recently that has left me shaken, broken, and depressed.  I was almost arrested for lying to the Police about who I am and what my name is.  I was asked by an officer what my name was and I responded with the obvious.  The officer then looked at my companion and said, "What is his name?"  She replied with my name, "Jame."  They refuse to acknowledge my court order changing my name and gender.  They referred to me with improper pronouns and used Mr. Wallack.  For those of you who don't know, I am on probation, however, I am out to my p.o. and he is supportive.  However, they refuse to classify me as my legal name and have it listed as an A.K.A.  The officers were rude and the use of "Sir" was completely uncalled for.  The whole situation was a misunderstanding and it has since been resolved.  What I don't understand is that if I have an order signed by a judge, why is it so difficult for the rest of the system to not follow protocol and change it in their records.  I have come to the conclusion that the only solution is to sue the Department of Corrections and request to be let off probation, or go back to a male jail and hope I don't die or get raped too often.  I have been told it is the policy of the Department of Corrections that they do not acknowledge a name change of a Trans person.  I have to do random urine tests, in front of a MALE probation officer.  Do you know how strange it is to sit down and pee in a little cup in front of a guy?  That too is policy.  If the person is preoperative, then they are treated as the biological sex, regardless of identity or expression.

I have a hard time understanding where people get these ideas.  How is this even morally correct.  The state of montana is obviously so LGBT-phobic that they cannot see past the end of their own noses to see that we are people too and deserve to be treated with the same respect as everyone else.  How can they even think about putting a Trans-female in a male populated jail?  Do they not see the risks?  I have realized that the "good-ol-boys" of this state are so binary oriented that there may be no hope for the state of Montana being Trans inclusive in every area.  I believe that I am very much in need of a place out of state to move to.  I can no longer live through the discrimination that I experience from so many areas of my life. 

I have also experienced a ton of discrimination in my own home.  I am currently going through the nastiest divorce of my life.  I wish it would just be a nice civil ending of a marriage, but alas it is not.  My ex-partner has and is continuing to do everything in her power to place me in jail simply because I filed for divorce because I am Transgender and we no longer see life the same.  We have moved on and evolved as people, as people do.  I understand the pain and hurt associated with losing a long term relationship.  I feel it every day.  However, that is not an excuse to go out of ones way to attempt to "help" by putting someone in jail for not committing a crime.  Revenge is an ugly beast that once let loose is an amazingly difficult escapee to wrangle. 

This post is more of just some random rants and raves in an attempt to make some sense of all the madness in my life at this juncture.  I feel like my head may explode.  I just want all the insanity to stop before I end up in the ground or in the looney bin.  I feel like this whole transition may have been more of a mistake and I would have been better off as an alcoholic male who let his spouse control every aspect of his life.  I don't really know any more.  I am sure some of this banter will concern most, anger a few, and upset others.  I do apologize for any triggers I inadvertently placed in this rant.  Until the next time, adieu.

Intimate Partner Violence

I find it so amazing how people have so many issues revolving around abuse and neglect. Now I will not jump out there and say that I am a saint. I have had my fair share of hardships. I have yelled, screamed, thrown shoes and cell phones, made verbal threats in a fit of rage. I am not an innocent victim. I know my wrongs, I have to live with them and I am working to right those wrongs in my own self. What I would like to talk about is the thought process of other people and how my experience is similar to many Trans* people out in the world. According to a report done in 2012 by the ncavp transgender people are 2.0 times more likely to experience intimate relationship violence and neglect due to their transgender status. They are 1.8 times likely to experience harassment in those same relationships. Many times the partner of a Transgender person doesn't even realize that they are being abusive or neglectful. Many times they completely believe they are just trying to be helpful. “Transgender people face increased risk of violence because of their gender identity and transphobia within intimate partnerships,” said Aaron Eckhardt, Training and Technical Assistance Director at Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization (BRAVO) in Columbus. “To really address the needs of transgender survivors, we need to address transphobic laws, policies and institutions while also providing supportive programs that address transgender people explicitly and that engage transgender survivors in preventing this violence.” The unfortunate fact of life for many Transgender and gender diverse individuals is that due to the identity difficulties and the lack of education of family members, many attempts by partners of Transgender people resort to physical, mental, emotional violence and neglect. Many times it is due to their fear of loss, or the fear of what they don't understand. This creates a hostile living environment for both parties. Many times there is fault on both sides that create this. "In 2012, only 16.5% of all survivors reported information about interacting with the police, an increase from 2011 (10.7%). Of those who did interact, 54.3% of survivors reported the IPV incidents to police, an increase from 2011 (45.7%). However, in nearly 1/3 of the LGBTQ-specific IPV cases reported to the police (28.4%), the survivor was arrested instead of the abusive partner. Further, transgender survivors were over four times (4.4) more likely to face police violence and discrimination within the context of an IPV incident than people who did not identify as transgender." Due to the fear involved with harassment and misconceptions, many Transgender IPV survivors never report the abuse until it is too late. Now its time for my opinion. It is simply that, nothing more, nothing less. Take it or leave it. I think that the abuse and neglect gets to a point where the Transgender individual can no longer take the neglect of feelings and emotions. Not having resources affects their thoughts as well. However, transitioning is a very selfish and complex experience. Attempting to find a healthy balance between meeting ones own needs and meeting the needs of confused family members, friends or intimate partners is not easy. It almost always leads to abuse and neglect towards the Transgender individual, whether intended or not, which in turn creates abuse and neglect by the Transgender individual. This "revolving door" situation make for a proverbial powder keg waiting to explode. What can be done to repair damage and gain acceptance. An equal give and take on both sides of the party. In order to be understood, we must understand. This can be a very intimidating idea when Transgender people can be so sensitive about their emotions and feeling and rightly so. However, the people who don't understand the Trans* experience have to wait, be supportive of every emotion and feeling regardless of how much they don't understand it. They have to realize, especially early in transition, that they are dealing with a very sensitive person. Many times this point is neglected. In the long run, I see why most relationships that have a Transgender come out during them fail, this needs to change. How can we do that and stop the abuse and neglect and the hate? Make laws to protect the Trans community and create programs for family members. AA is for the drunk, AL-ANON is for the family members of the drunk. It works for them, why can't it work for us. Like I always say, many of the best ways to handle an issue are right here in the world around us. Somebody has always gone through something similar to someone Else's situation. Help each other, we are all people and we all deserve respect regardless of our choices and situations.