Intimate Partner Violence

I find it so amazing how people have so many issues revolving around abuse and neglect. Now I will not jump out there and say that I am a saint. I have had my fair share of hardships. I have yelled, screamed, thrown shoes and cell phones, made verbal threats in a fit of rage. I am not an innocent victim. I know my wrongs, I have to live with them and I am working to right those wrongs in my own self. What I would like to talk about is the thought process of other people and how my experience is similar to many Trans* people out in the world. According to a report done in 2012 by the ncavp transgender people are 2.0 times more likely to experience intimate relationship violence and neglect due to their transgender status. They are 1.8 times likely to experience harassment in those same relationships. Many times the partner of a Transgender person doesn't even realize that they are being abusive or neglectful. Many times they completely believe they are just trying to be helpful. “Transgender people face increased risk of violence because of their gender identity and transphobia within intimate partnerships,” said Aaron Eckhardt, Training and Technical Assistance Director at Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization (BRAVO) in Columbus. “To really address the needs of transgender survivors, we need to address transphobic laws, policies and institutions while also providing supportive programs that address transgender people explicitly and that engage transgender survivors in preventing this violence.” The unfortunate fact of life for many Transgender and gender diverse individuals is that due to the identity difficulties and the lack of education of family members, many attempts by partners of Transgender people resort to physical, mental, emotional violence and neglect. Many times it is due to their fear of loss, or the fear of what they don't understand. This creates a hostile living environment for both parties. Many times there is fault on both sides that create this. "In 2012, only 16.5% of all survivors reported information about interacting with the police, an increase from 2011 (10.7%). Of those who did interact, 54.3% of survivors reported the IPV incidents to police, an increase from 2011 (45.7%). However, in nearly 1/3 of the LGBTQ-specific IPV cases reported to the police (28.4%), the survivor was arrested instead of the abusive partner. Further, transgender survivors were over four times (4.4) more likely to face police violence and discrimination within the context of an IPV incident than people who did not identify as transgender." Due to the fear involved with harassment and misconceptions, many Transgender IPV survivors never report the abuse until it is too late. Now its time for my opinion. It is simply that, nothing more, nothing less. Take it or leave it. I think that the abuse and neglect gets to a point where the Transgender individual can no longer take the neglect of feelings and emotions. Not having resources affects their thoughts as well. However, transitioning is a very selfish and complex experience. Attempting to find a healthy balance between meeting ones own needs and meeting the needs of confused family members, friends or intimate partners is not easy. It almost always leads to abuse and neglect towards the Transgender individual, whether intended or not, which in turn creates abuse and neglect by the Transgender individual. This "revolving door" situation make for a proverbial powder keg waiting to explode. What can be done to repair damage and gain acceptance. An equal give and take on both sides of the party. In order to be understood, we must understand. This can be a very intimidating idea when Transgender people can be so sensitive about their emotions and feeling and rightly so. However, the people who don't understand the Trans* experience have to wait, be supportive of every emotion and feeling regardless of how much they don't understand it. They have to realize, especially early in transition, that they are dealing with a very sensitive person. Many times this point is neglected. In the long run, I see why most relationships that have a Transgender come out during them fail, this needs to change. How can we do that and stop the abuse and neglect and the hate? Make laws to protect the Trans community and create programs for family members. AA is for the drunk, AL-ANON is for the family members of the drunk. It works for them, why can't it work for us. Like I always say, many of the best ways to handle an issue are right here in the world around us. Somebody has always gone through something similar to someone Else's situation. Help each other, we are all people and we all deserve respect regardless of our choices and situations.